I should start off this post by saying sorry for not posting . In reality I’m not sorry , sometimes things become too much. So much you loose yourself and have to build yourself back up ,which I am currently in the process of doing . I haven’t been in a good way or been myself in these last couple of months. I’ve been struggling and I know writing is supposed to help me but with revision and exams I just haven’t felt up to it or anything in that matter ,hence why I’ve took a long break . If you saw my last blog post ,It was the trigger that made me understand that things weren’t right. It was all down to the pressure brought km by exam stress but now I’ve finished my A levels and thrown 2 years of notes into the waste paper bin. Which has freed the Albatros or at least the weight of expectation from around my neck.
I’m on the mend gluing myself back together , taking a well earned rest and starting to re-discover things I enjoy doing . I just thought I’d write this short blog post just to let you know I’m back and am going to start blogging again. I now have a lot of free time and am going to put my time back into writing
as well as self care.I know just have to take a breath and know what I’ve done in my exams is all I could have done,I cannot change the outcome and understand that things happen for a reason .
So thank you all for being patient with me and I’ll see you in my next blog .
I don’t know how to start this,I suppose I’ll start by saying I feel numb. I thought after coming back from Berlin I’d be fine and these thoughts wouldn’t come back. I came back from Berlin feeling ok about things ,particularly my exams I thought, ok it isn’t the end of the world if I don’t get the grades I want or I don’t get into a Russel group . I really don’t know what the matter is on the outside I am always known as the happy,jolly, kind person but inside I feel like I’m rotting and I’ve lost my spark I once had.
I don’t know whether if it’s the exams or my mindset as a whole is going downhill. I’ve never said a thing to anyone about it because I don’t want to be judged and I suppose that’s why I’m writing on here , to clear my head and gain some clarity.
I’m in that awful panicky stage I have a got a good nights sleep since the beginning of March and my teacher had a talk with me saying I was the hardest working student he’d ever known and if I didn’t do so well he’d help me with university as it wouldn’t be out of not trying.
Now I’m in the state of over sleeping ,now I don’t know whether it’s because of my time patters being messed about but I’m having 8-11hrs sleep on a daily basis. I’ve gotten myself into a vicious cycle where if I don’t revise it bugs me and I constantly have to do more.
I’ve had nosebleeds in three days solid , woken up dizzy and had a knot in my stomach and this morning I’ve felt really awful, I can’t really explain the feeling but it’s been a mental thing and I don’t really know what’s going on.
I mean I’ve been out and now I feel alright but slightly guilty , but if anyone can help please do .