Posted in Feminism, Feminist, Sexual harassment, Speaking Out, Writing

Was it sexism when ?

Following on from my last blog post ((Bend Clit like Beckham)) I’ve found it has been so gratefully received in such a short space of time. 

I’m going to talk about the invisible plague which effects every single one of us no matter what age, sex, race or gender. Sexism is so engrained in society that it becomes a norm which people adhere to. Until secondary school I wasn’t aware of sexism but it has always been floating. 

I have experienced several sexist encounters and I’m going to share them; I can only speak of mine.It’s taken a while for me to write this because I haven’t know how to word it without being too vulgar or being to direct. Then I think at times we all need to hear the truth, because the truth helps us all understand what is right and wrong; there’s no beauty in truth unless your Keats. (Deep breath) The main reason I’m writing this isn’t for sympathy but to identity and possibly help other people who’ve gone through experiences to identity them and speak out. Even though my sexist experience s and assault has  come from men, I’m not going to do is dehumanise and make monsters out of men because that’s what Feminism is not! Also most men believe sexism is wrong and it would be unfair to tar them with the same brush. Also my male friends have stuck up for me when experiencing a sexual encounter or assault.

Was it sexism when..

At the age of twelve you grabbed my breast and placed your arm around me whilst I was getting food in the local club? ((Just to clarify I don’t condone underage drinking ,it was a party)). But when I reported it  you were drunk so got away with it and it made me feel like I’d done wrong.

At the age of thirteen I was told I wasn’t allowed to play rugby because it was too dangerous for a girl and I’d hurt myself.

At the age of fifteen  I was touched up by a boy in science. He felt my legs , my bum, my hips. When this was reported I was blamed by the school for not reporting it sooner. Then the boy who felt me up (and his friends) teased me for telling because they were only messing about ;I was told not to take it seriously and I shouldn’t be so frigid.

Was sexism when …you marked us all out of ten when we filled out of the PE changing rooms and discussed who you would and wouldn’t shag? I was never the top of your list because according to you I was ugly , too nerdy and would never get a boyfriend. 

Or when you used to slap the bums of the girls mine was always described as “Nice and Juicy.” But you were put off by my “thunder thighs.”

Then there was that time when we were going aerobics and you queued up at the door to watch.

At the age of sixteen I was ridiculed by my fellow female classmates for not shaving my armpits one PE lesson. Even though it was my choice to leave it because I didn’t want to conform to the beauty standards .

Facts and figures

  1.  One in every three girls has experienced ‘unwanted sexual touching in schools
  2. 71% of 16-17 year olds say they hear sexual name calling such as ‘slut’ or ‘slag’ several times a week.
  3. The highest suicide rate in the UK in 2014 was for men aged 45-49 at 26.5 per 100,000  ((I’ve put this statistics in because I feel that men are forced to be masculine and not supposed to express emotions even though they are human and have needs. Before we learn to talk we learn to cry, if you feel down speak up it may save your life!
  • Tips: Firstly I’ll say that it is very difficult if you are the victim of sexism/ sexist assault in the spur of the moment because you may feel uncomfortable. However there isn’t anything that you did wrong to provoke them and there’s no right way to react.

  1. Have other girls and boys behind you supporting you not laughing along. Call people out who display sexist behaviour towards you.
  2. Come forward as soon as possible if it is in school or college the institution has a duty to protect you and demand they take action
  3. If this happens outside of an institution tell someone how you feel and if that’s too much effort report them.

Know your rights

Protection From Harassment Act 1997:  Makes it an offence to engage in something which is harassing, alarming or distressing someone.

Sexual offences Act 2003:  

A person (Let’s call them A) commits an offence if ..

(A) They intentionally touch another person.(B)

(B) The touching is sexual 

(C) Person (B) doesn’t consent to touching.

(D) Person A doesn’t believe that B consents.
I’m hoping that this blog has helped you if you have faced sexism or sexual assault.I don’t think it’s the most eloquent account but it’s been bothering me and this was a way of expressing my feelings. 


Posted in Body confidence, Body image, Body parts, Emotions, Feminist, Growing up, Humour, Love, Relationship, Sex, virginity, Writing

Bend Clit like Beckham

I’ve learnt through writing my poetry my inner insecurities pop up several times, which I may add I’ve been very open about. Or the poems follow the same themes of love or boys or breast and then there’s the random nature poem thrown in here and there. 

  • I’ve noticed I’m very insecure about my breasts due to their size ; after an appiphany I’ve finally realised that the size of then doesn’t matter. I feel as if society has brain-washed me into thinking that anything under a D cup is un-feminine. We live in a patriarchal , image conscious society where we are constantly bombarded with images of tall, skinny ,big breasted women pasted in magazines, billboards, advertisements and on social media. Which is a constant video game of fakery each person creating an avatar or idealised image of themselves where a like is considered social currency and the more likes you get the more popular you are considered.
  •  In this idealised world we are taught to tear eachother down because our own insecurities are nagging, even the most beautiful women will have their own insecutities. When we don’t bitch we are somehow betraying the stereotypical view of women but we all should stand together not break eachother down.
  •  I’m sure you’ll have seen the image where it gives a list of cup sizes and it says something like:  A: Almost boobs , B:Barley Boob’s , C: Can’t Complain, D: Dang , DD: Double Dang, F:Fake , G:Get a reduction, H: Help me I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.  I think I found this on something called man Bible I’m not too sure , but let me ask you this. Are you really a man ((Or woman so I don’t get the menninsits onto me )) if you decide to judge women on the size of their breasts do you really deserve that title?
  •  Who the Fuck do you actually think you are telling me what size I should have ?  Have I ever asked you to grow an extra inch on your penis?  (( I know men also come under societal pressure to have a huuge 9incher but I honesty don’t think men come under as much scrutiny as women ,but what would I know. I’m obviously on my period according to you because you find it intimidating that I am expressing an opinion))
  • I’ve had a few names thrown at me  such as “Titless.”, “Fried egg boobs.” which added to pressure has helped with gnawing insecurity. Today I’m going to throw that away and say  “Fuck You!” because I have been given this body and there is nothing I can do to change it ((Well apart from a push up bra and a boob job which I’ll never get because I don’t want plastic in my body but if you yourself want one Go for it , whatever makes you comfortable))   my genes have given me 32A’S and I will embrace them . For starters they don’t make my back ache or stop me wearing clothes.
  •   I think all women no matter what shape or size they are want to change something, for starters I’m 5ft 2 and want to be taller, my friend is 6ft 3 and wants to be my height. Curvy girls want to be skinny and vice versa. We all want to have the perfect body , but what is perfect? Everyone’s body is different, special and unique, nobody can take that uniqueness away which is what makes you perfect because no one will have the same body that you have.

  • I’ve also noticed that I tend to point out ..drumroll..Wait for it …Queue the music..I’m a Virgin obviously begging for the Big D  to finally give me the oxygen I’ve been begging for my while life..haha..No.

  • Virginity is a race but a race where there are no prizes there is stigma attached for becoming first and last.  I’m nearly eighteen and when confessed “I’m a virgin.” The reply usually is “Wait ..What ..You..I thought you’d have lost it by now.”  or my personal favourite “Oh you’re waiting ..That’s so cute , bless.”
  • The fact of the matter is I’m not intentionally trying to wait or intentionally trying to lose it either. When me and my ex used to go out I’d say “I want to wait at least a year before we have sex.” we never really got to that point ((obviously)), this made me think if I put a timescale on it does that mean I wasn’t comfortable in the relationship or that I wasn’t ready to lose it ? In the eye’s some beholders that would be enough to make me a “Prude.” ((a person who is or claims to be easily shocked by matters relating to sex or nudity.)) the fact of the matter is I would rather get to know the person.Why  has society taught women that virginity is so sacred?
  • This I can’t answer. I’m going to put my hands up and say sex used to embarrass me. I can only speak on behalf of myself but I can vividly remember being eleven and being forced by my school to watch a DVD where we we’re taught about the sperm race,then we had to watch two cartoon people having sex. When we we’re twelve it moved to putting condoms on dildos and lube sampling…Nice.  I particularly remember watching Schindler’s list in year nine, blushing mercilessly at the sex scene which I got teased for.
  • Like I’ve said before virginity is a race with no winners, the only winner is judgement.  If a  woman has had sex  with a lot of men or  is percieved to have a lot of sex she is labelled a ‘Slut’ (( 1. A patriarchal social construct which hold women to stricter standards than men are held to.  2. A woman with the sexist morals of a man)).  How can anyone tell how much sex a woman has had ? It seems in today’s society relationships, the ones that go wrong leave a stain on a woman and tarnish her reputation. Relationships, sex or labels don’t define a person their actions and words do. Arguably the term slut isn’t a type of girl but an attitude held by society to express panic at the idea of women who dare to enjoy sex , how much and who with.

  • Now the thing with Sex is I learnt a lot about the penis.  For example the penis gets erect when blood rushed into the penile tissue, it then stiffens and points outwards and upwards when erect.Then there was the wonderful diagram which I didn’t really care to read into because hello, I don’t have the penis.  We never learnt about the Vagina, which isn’t actually called the Vagina but the clitoris which on average is 3.5-5 inches long  and 2.5 inches wide.  Equivalent to the width of a tomato sauce bottle , or a jam jar and the length of a pen or a spoon.It contains 8,000  nerve endings and you don’t wee through it either .

  • Then there’s the slang for vagina which include: Love Cave, Minge, beaver, box and cunt.  I found in one of my English lessons that the word Vagina  comes from the Latin for Sword  Sheath  meaning that the only purpose for a vagina is to hold a ‘sword.’ or have things inserted into it and pulled in and out. Whereas the word cunt which we have been socialised into believing it’s awful means small room which is arguably less offensive.   Whereas the slang for Penis (Or at least some if it because we’d be here for days)) Love muscle, Member, Third legg and pocket rocket.   Arguably women’s genitalia are termed to be  derogatory and violent and suggest that the only purpose is for a man’s person is put inside.

I’m sorry this has been different from my previous blogs but it made me think and I hope it has made you too, I’d love to read your opinions and comments.