Posted in Confidence, Creative Writing, Femme Fatal, Sexy, Sunset Boulevard, Theatre, Writing

The Gaze of the female

Look at me! I said look at me.There right in the eyes. Is it a seductive? When you look do you imagine unwrapping layers of clothing, letting the silk garments tumble down my body like a waterfall. Do you imagine me naked? Your finger tracing shapes onto my naked flesh until I fall asleep in your arms. Do you want to taste my soul as our mouths lock, searching for a passion to ignite between us. Or do you simply want to use me for your own pleasure.
Do I intimidate you? Make spiders crawl up your ghostly flesh when our eyes meet? Make you want to run away as a tear your soul apart; I can see into you. Untangling your personality and spreading its beads onto the cold stone floor. You know I’ve broken the hearts of men , shattered them like glass. But you find me intriguing, sexy.Thinking I will grant your deepest wishes, your darkest sexual fantasy.You know I am a danger, I can burn you. You don’t retreat,like a moth to a light, you glide towards me hoping I will feel the same way about you.

With one look I can break your heart, with one look I’ll play every part. When I speak it’s with my soul..I can play any role.

The Gaze of a female.

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Posted in Advice, blogging, Confidence, Life Lessons, Love yourself, Memories, New Year, Self image, Speaking Out, Student, Teenager, Uncategorized, Writing

The cliche New Year blog 

Hello! I’d just like to wish all my followers and readers a Happy New Year and I hope you all had an amazing Christmas. I’m not going to make this cliche, well all know what 2016 has been a very big ,historical year there was Brexit and Trump winning the US presidential election along with a lot of celebrity deaths. However I feel like I’ve grown up this year and learnt a lot of valuable life lessons.

1.) Change happens for a reason

I know this sounds cliche but I swapped my acting hobby for writing . I never thought that I’d enjoy it but I’ve been able to create a blog , write more poetry and gain more confidence in myself as a writer. As a result I have performed my work at an open mic in my city and even got recognised for it which was lovely and I never expected it to happen.

2.) True friends will stick around

Most of my friends are older and have moved away to university. Despite not seeing eachother, we’ve still kept in touch and met up several times in the holidays. Exploring the city and adventuring into independent restaurants. We still have the bond that we did before they moved which shows that if your friends are true they’ll stick by you.

3.) The only person who decides your self worth is you

This year I have learnt to throw away the negative labels that have affected me and learnt to embrace myself.

4.) Red lipstick 

Is a girls best friend ..Bring out your inner femme fatal.

5.) Never put myself under too much pressure.

I am an A level student ,currently studying for 3 A levels. I am one of those people who revises constantly and never gives myself a break because I want to do well. Sometimes things get too much and I’ll cry over something because I’ve overworked myself. I have learnt to break my revision into 25 minute chunks ,take regular breaks , take time for myself  and don’t feel guilty about taking breaks.

6.) Confidence takes time 

Most importantly I have realised my self worth; beauty doesn’t always come in forms of aesthetic appearance but it can come in forms of intelligence,honesty,kindness,I could go on. I have realised that I am beautiful ,my imperfections are beautiful and show the wars I have battled throughout my seventeen short years. I may still have my bad days but that’s alright everyone has them and you need them to be human . I have learnt to throw the negative labels away and embrace positive ones.

Goals for 2017

Possibly make my blogs more diverse and not just poetry.

Give myself more self love;take time to relax.

Don’t doubt myself 

Say no to things that I don’t have time for.
Thank you for reading and being my followers thus far .I’ve been amazed how many likes and views I’ve had on my blog ;thank you for each and every view, comment or like it is really appreciated. If you have any things you’d like to see on my blog please let me know .

~SS

Posted in Creative Writing, English Literature, Free Verse, lush, Poetry, Writing

Musings from a bath

​Let me sink into to your scarlet blue , and lather my breast plates golden moonlight, whilst I catch the swirling stars. Lather me in dust till the golden pearls drip from my naked frame. Smother me in your colour until I become a creature , an arching goddess whose eyes are as blue as the Atlantic, voice as smooth as honey.  Let the Gods massage silk into my spine until I bleed golden droplets.

Let them bathe me oils until my skin melts away leaving my golden form ,still like darkness. Oh let them weep! Let them decorate the sky with sparkling  tears. While I lay frozen in a sheet of ice. Stars surrounding me and giving me wings.

Let my fly to the heavens and make a home on the moon.

Posted in Creative Writing, English Literature, Photography, Poetry, Romantics, Sunrise, Writing

Siren of the sky

The master of hide and seek , taking refuge behind buildings and trees. Glowing like a medal in the distance; ruining the game.

A flash of lights as vision becomes blurry , head dizzy. Sparkles glowing. A siren , whose eyes lure you; burn you with kisses and leaves a red love bite which remains forever ;creating a glowing reflection. Don’t blink, don’t look away.The siren of the sky  will ache from the heavens and spread a curse.

Frosted tears will spread darkness causing the tufts of grass to turn ashy and weep with icy tears.

Until the siren melts away the grey, creating a colourful haze. Oh eternal siren burn me until you have no fire left. Kiss me until I transform into ash. Your beauty will whip me eternally until you fade into your hilly home.

Oh Siren of the sky, you beauteous form will caress me until my end is neigh. Golden Siren of the sky.

(Apologies for not posting I’ve been very busy with Christmas, I hope you all had a good one too! Happy New Year.))

Posted in Acne, Body confidence, Body image, Feminism, Growing up, Writing

I’m not going to be ugly anymore.

Ever since I was nine my face has been dotted with acne , it was always a stigma that surrounded me people were put off talking to me because of my physical appearance; or at least that’s how it felt. I wouldn’t socialise and spent most of my breaks and lunch times in the library reading and I enjoyed that . There’s a point though to how long reading can last ,until you want to talk to people and you want them to like you . I used to try really hard and bring in sweets and share them round in hope that someone would actually want to talk to me ,or invite me to sit with them for lunch making the first three years of secondary school very difficult; I was just being used because in their eyes I was a “pathetic freak.”

I used to feel worthless, I never had suicidal thoughts but sometimes I thought it was better I disappear ; no body would care if I did. I used to be bullied about my appearance which has left me with lasting physical and mental scars ; often called “gollum.” , “ugly” , “juicy spot.’ , “shiny forehead.” . The list goes on .

Even though this happened several years ago the effects and their words are still felt. Kids can be cruel and think about things in the moment and I suppose if I told them all this today they’d apologise and say they didn’t mean it . But it’s too late . 

Today has given me the confidence to remove those labels from myself and fight those deamons in my head. In today’s society instagram ,facebook is filled with unrealistic images which we can’t all fit . Everyone has had trouble with their appearance and self esteem at some point. 

The thing is I’m not going to let those labels effect me anymore.   The only person who decides how beautiful I am is myself. People label and stigmatise because they have their own insecurities and things they hate so if they make someone feel worse  instead of building them up. 

I feel that if I never accept myself it will affect me and I don’t want it to because my acne will go eventually and I suppose a positive is I’m young enough to get it . Beauty starts from within, it is a combination of aspects that you have to find yourself.  Beauty is not simply aesthetic beauty it is confidence, intelligence, kindness and building each other up not breaking each other down like I’ve said in a previous blog.

Beauty is facing stigma and overcoming it and helping people face theirs. My acne scars are my battle wounds ,I’ve survived the battle and won it.

Here’s to a brighter more confident future.
SS

I have no makeup on !
Posted in Creative Writing, English Literature, Martian Poetry, Poetry, Writers, Writing

Writers

Mechanical robots of words,whose heads are stuck in the clouds of ideas ; in between piles of half read books listening to the eternal whisperings of authors.

Hands always flowing with an inky substance always smudged. Whose eyes act as spies, delving into the pasts of heroes, villains and lovers; their tales vast and lives many.

 Brains scattered with lightning ideas that fizz and pop, come and go . Wake you up in the night causing the ink to leak onto the bed covers.

Whose very existence lives on the taste of paper and never ending cuts. Draining the words like Dracula then placing them back to life like Frankenstein.

Their thoughts and creativity will never die.

The magicians of life.

Posted in Blake, Creative Writing, London, Photography, Poetry, Writing

London

The mistress of fast pace and rushed time whose arms run through secret underground stations connecting towns.The mistress whose lips are pursed with an iron clamp and do not open to greet hello. Tutting at the sound of a northern who dares to cross the barrier. 

Whose bullet will stain my soul if I dare step through the Palace gates;housing the blood of men. 

Whose heartbeat scuttles around the city like a black inky snake filled ,with the poison of souls gone before. Whose voice is loudest alarming the hour through an instant chime. 

Whoes breath is dirty fume of coal filling the air like a dragons fire burning the lungs.  

The mistress of disgrace and tarnished reputation, whoes eyes no longer sparkle at the waking of the moon.

Posted in Creative Writing, Keats, Nature, Photography, Poetry, Weather, Writing

Sunset

Ink dabbled over a blue lit sky, leaking when prodded by clouds. Arms stretched to cuddle the blue, embracing the darkness.  

You lie , begging your eyes to remain open until your eyelids droop, cascading night,causing the sun to submit. Lightning up its own invisible world. A halo around a moon.

Darkness flies  like a Raven across the  sky until finally landing .It’s wings still , silent and calm. Echoing the sound of lullabys’ and crickets. Until you purse your lips, a hush fleeing across the land. You sleep, coldness your comfort blanket leaving your starry dreams to escape and twinkle like embers. Frost remennants, your broken dreams because you can’t remain forever. As the cold morning chill leaves your frosty , bitter breath on the land of man until your return.

Posted in Creative Writing, Keats, Literature, Poetry, Sex, Writing

The Stardust Lover 

(Sequel to lover at the other side of the road)

You gazed at me today , your eyes a lit with stars, blue ,twinkling. Your glance never left, my body on fire with a cool sheen of bliss. I could  feel the stardust bouncing, sending an electric buzz along my spine like dancing sparks. 

I felt your heart echo like thunder,its’ sound  like raindrops tapping on a metallic roof.Splitting  me in two. When you smiled doves escaped your lips , ,sending me branches of miseltoe and palms making me feel as if I found my missing peace of land floating in the abyss. 

Your speech an intoxicating wine ,my head dizzy with ecstasy which you never once tried to sober. Dreaming of what may become of us once our hands became intertwined ivy. Or the days spent roaming  in the garden whilst you explored my  flowery rose bed ,the dew on the petals as fresh as the morning sunrise. The droplets causing the tree to awaken and  rise to the heavens.  

And when the pains of our labours finally hit my stomach after spending days on my knees ,you’ll hold me in your arms and take the pain away your moonlit breath rocking me into a calm ,tender sleep. 

My lover made of stardust.

Posted in Body confidence, Body image, Body parts, Emotions, Feminist, Growing up, Humour, Love, Relationship, Sex, virginity, Writing

Bend Clit like Beckham

I’ve learnt through writing my poetry my inner insecurities pop up several times, which I may add I’ve been very open about. Or the poems follow the same themes of love or boys or breast and then there’s the random nature poem thrown in here and there. 

  • I’ve noticed I’m very insecure about my breasts due to their size ; after an appiphany I’ve finally realised that the size of then doesn’t matter. I feel as if society has brain-washed me into thinking that anything under a D cup is un-feminine. We live in a patriarchal , image conscious society where we are constantly bombarded with images of tall, skinny ,big breasted women pasted in magazines, billboards, advertisements and on social media. Which is a constant video game of fakery each person creating an avatar or idealised image of themselves where a like is considered social currency and the more likes you get the more popular you are considered.
  •  In this idealised world we are taught to tear eachother down because our own insecurities are nagging, even the most beautiful women will have their own insecutities. When we don’t bitch we are somehow betraying the stereotypical view of women but we all should stand together not break eachother down.
  •  I’m sure you’ll have seen the image where it gives a list of cup sizes and it says something like:  A: Almost boobs , B:Barley Boob’s , C: Can’t Complain, D: Dang , DD: Double Dang, F:Fake , G:Get a reduction, H: Help me I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.  I think I found this on something called man Bible I’m not too sure , but let me ask you this. Are you really a man ((Or woman so I don’t get the menninsits onto me )) if you decide to judge women on the size of their breasts do you really deserve that title?
  •  Who the Fuck do you actually think you are telling me what size I should have ?  Have I ever asked you to grow an extra inch on your penis?  (( I know men also come under societal pressure to have a huuge 9incher but I honesty don’t think men come under as much scrutiny as women ,but what would I know. I’m obviously on my period according to you because you find it intimidating that I am expressing an opinion))
  • I’ve had a few names thrown at me  such as “Titless.”, “Fried egg boobs.” which added to pressure has helped with gnawing insecurity. Today I’m going to throw that away and say  “Fuck You!” because I have been given this body and there is nothing I can do to change it ((Well apart from a push up bra and a boob job which I’ll never get because I don’t want plastic in my body but if you yourself want one Go for it , whatever makes you comfortable))   my genes have given me 32A’S and I will embrace them . For starters they don’t make my back ache or stop me wearing clothes.
  •   I think all women no matter what shape or size they are want to change something, for starters I’m 5ft 2 and want to be taller, my friend is 6ft 3 and wants to be my height. Curvy girls want to be skinny and vice versa. We all want to have the perfect body , but what is perfect? Everyone’s body is different, special and unique, nobody can take that uniqueness away which is what makes you perfect because no one will have the same body that you have.

  • I’ve also noticed that I tend to point out ..drumroll..Wait for it …Queue the music..I’m a Virgin obviously begging for the Big D  to finally give me the oxygen I’ve been begging for my while life..haha..No.

  • Virginity is a race but a race where there are no prizes there is stigma attached for becoming first and last.  I’m nearly eighteen and when confessed “I’m a virgin.” The reply usually is “Wait ..What ..You..I thought you’d have lost it by now.”  or my personal favourite “Oh you’re waiting ..That’s so cute , bless.”
  • The fact of the matter is I’m not intentionally trying to wait or intentionally trying to lose it either. When me and my ex used to go out I’d say “I want to wait at least a year before we have sex.” we never really got to that point ((obviously)), this made me think if I put a timescale on it does that mean I wasn’t comfortable in the relationship or that I wasn’t ready to lose it ? In the eye’s some beholders that would be enough to make me a “Prude.” ((a person who is or claims to be easily shocked by matters relating to sex or nudity.)) the fact of the matter is I would rather get to know the person.Why  has society taught women that virginity is so sacred?
  • This I can’t answer. I’m going to put my hands up and say sex used to embarrass me. I can only speak on behalf of myself but I can vividly remember being eleven and being forced by my school to watch a DVD where we we’re taught about the sperm race,then we had to watch two cartoon people having sex. When we we’re twelve it moved to putting condoms on dildos and lube sampling…Nice.  I particularly remember watching Schindler’s list in year nine, blushing mercilessly at the sex scene which I got teased for.
  • Like I’ve said before virginity is a race with no winners, the only winner is judgement.  If a  woman has had sex  with a lot of men or  is percieved to have a lot of sex she is labelled a ‘Slut’ (( 1. A patriarchal social construct which hold women to stricter standards than men are held to.  2. A woman with the sexist morals of a man)).  How can anyone tell how much sex a woman has had ? It seems in today’s society relationships, the ones that go wrong leave a stain on a woman and tarnish her reputation. Relationships, sex or labels don’t define a person their actions and words do. Arguably the term slut isn’t a type of girl but an attitude held by society to express panic at the idea of women who dare to enjoy sex , how much and who with.


  • Now the thing with Sex is I learnt a lot about the penis.  For example the penis gets erect when blood rushed into the penile tissue, it then stiffens and points outwards and upwards when erect.Then there was the wonderful diagram which I didn’t really care to read into because hello, I don’t have the penis.  We never learnt about the Vagina, which isn’t actually called the Vagina but the clitoris which on average is 3.5-5 inches long  and 2.5 inches wide.  Equivalent to the width of a tomato sauce bottle , or a jam jar and the length of a pen or a spoon.It contains 8,000  nerve endings and you don’t wee through it either .

  • Then there’s the slang for vagina which include: Love Cave, Minge, beaver, box and cunt.  I found in one of my English lessons that the word Vagina  comes from the Latin for Sword  Sheath  meaning that the only purpose for a vagina is to hold a ‘sword.’ or have things inserted into it and pulled in and out. Whereas the word cunt which we have been socialised into believing it’s awful means small room which is arguably less offensive.   Whereas the slang for Penis (Or at least some if it because we’d be here for days)) Love muscle, Member, Third legg and pocket rocket.   Arguably women’s genitalia are termed to be  derogatory and violent and suggest that the only purpose is for a man’s person is put inside.

I’m sorry this has been different from my previous blogs but it made me think and I hope it has made you too, I’d love to read your opinions and comments.